Woe oh Woe, an Untitled One
by Pink Wrapper
Summary: One day, the Military decides Ed needs a job. Also, Roy's been blackmailed into working too? HumorGeneral, first fic, so please R&R and concrit. x] Thankies.


**Woe oh Woe, an Untitled One**  
**By: Pink Wrapper**

**Disclaimer**: I wish I did, but never will, own Full Metal Alchemist. This short, comedic one-shot, is, however, copyrighted to me. Characters created by Hiromu Arakawa. 

The morning was somewhat bright and shiny, the birds weren't singing and butterflies weren't flying around prettily, but things seem to be alright at Military HQ. Edward and Alphonse Elric were just awakening from their sleep. In fact, Ed decided that he needs breakfast – just like any other decent human being. Of course, Al was left to wait across the table as he watched his brother 'courteously' devour his food.

"What do you plan on doing today, Brother?"

Ed stuffed a forkful of pancake before he began to speak. "Bah, I don't know. I was thinking of sleeping in today, I'm just so tired from all the work I've been doing."

_All the work, Brother? You've done nothing! All you've done is giggle around and smash things while I had to carry books, do research, and run from place to place gathering information!_

Al was getting easily frustrated these days. The military work was immensely heavy, and with his brother not putting up a finger, he found it to be quite difficult. Slowly, he lifted his tin-head from his hands, and glanced down the hall.

Al was giddy with joy. There, storming down the entry, underwear in a twist, was Colonel Roy Mustang. His glare was strict and penetrating, and he was heading their way.

"FULL METAL!" Bellowed Roy. 

Ed, looking up from his pancakes with puddles of maple syrup stuck to his cheek, began to complain. "Oh, what? Got your underwear in a twist again?"

(Al began to notice that this happened quite often when the brothers stayed the night).

"I prefer not discuss the condition of my undergarments, thank you," replied Roy, "but I have news for you. The military is officially on low budget, and I've been reviewing work that each subordinate has completed."

"_So_?"

"So, you haven't been pulling your weight around here. I need you to go find a job; I'll need $30 be the end of this week."

Ed had tears in his eyes which threatened to stream down his face. Surely, the Colonel had been joking. He always hated everything Ed did anyway. 

Al suddenly had a small, yet devious plan in mind. A twisted smile, though most likely not noticeable through the suit of armour, had appeared on his 'face'.

"Guess we better get going then Brother!"

"Why are _you_ in such a rush?" Ed asked curiously, arching an eyebrow.

Al missed his kittens. Very much. He truly wanted nothing more than for his brother to work at a pet shop.

"Well, nee-san, since Mr. Mustang said you needed $30 by the end of this week, I thought you could easily earn that money by working at the pet shop."

The 'screen' view switched to the exterior of the HQ. In the background, you could hear various screams and shrieks in the sound of Al's voice and many different pots and pans being banged against walls and other objects. It switched back to 'normal' view, with poor Al exhibiting bumps and bruises.

"Whatever. Let's go." 

Ed and Al proceeded to walk outside. Neither one of the duo decided the newspaper would be a proper source, so they thought the next best thing would be to live it real; walk around and ask for a bit.

They came across a small building with plain, peeling grey paint and cracks placed throughout. Though the building was not too shabby looking, one would definitely hesitate before entering the ragged place.

"Eh, what do we have to lose?" Ed shrugged. 

The door swung open, and a high, soft tinkle from a bell could be heard as they entered. Inside, a man with a grey beard, red trucker cap, and denim overalls was sitting with a newspaper in his hand.

"Yes?"

"Hi, I'm looking for a job." 

The man smiled, got up, walked towards the two, and said, "Good for you. If you were educated, you'd be able to get one." 

Al interrupted, "No, brother means he'd like a job here." 

"Oh. I see. And what makes you think your brother qualifies to be a window washer? He's much too short anyhow."

If you think that Ed would get angry over this, then you are correct. Chairs were thrown against the wall, a T.V had been smashed, and Ed lost his left shoe, flung into the unknown.

"All right, all right! Take your filthy mop and get going!"

Ed was now wishing he had not thrown that fit. What was he to do? He sat with a blank stare and waited. An epiphany formed in his brain.

"Al, let's get going!" Dust trailed behind them as the youngest Elric brother was dragged and run into the ground by the elder.

They met the open doors of Military HQ.

"Back so soon Full Metal?" Roy smirked.

"Don't get your underwear in a twist—again."

"My underwear is _not_ in a twist! Why can't people seem understand that?"

Ed chuckled and began to drag Al to the elevator. They bopped their heads to the elevator music, and arrived on the roof of the building.

"Al, you wait here." Ed dashed toward the door, took the elevator, and 5 minutes later re-appeared with a confused looking Roy under his arm. 

"Roy here is going to help us with our work." He beamed uncontrollably.

"How kind, Mr. Mustang!" Al was surprisingly delighted, that Roy, of all people, decided to help. 

"Yeah, sure. Let's get this over with." Roy grumbled. 

The three men set up their equipment and began to work. Suddenly, the platform was shifting, and moving out of control! 

"AL! GET OFF THE PLATFORM!"

"How am I supposed to get off, want me to jump into the air and hope I land safely!" 

"BOYS! STOP FIGHTING, I WANTED TO DIE _OLD_!"

The platform rocked and swayed, and suddenly flipped over completely. The three men suddenly found themselves plummeting into the ground, when with quick movements; Ed clapped his hands together and created a large parachute. Everybody reached for the parachute as though their lives depended on it (which, they did) and thankfully, everyone hit the ground softly and safely.

Unexpectedly, Lieutenants Ross and Riza Hawkeye ran out from the building and saw them land. Small sweat drops appeared on the sides of their heads.

Hawkeye spoke quietly, whispering to Ross; "We should help them, shouldn't we?"

"You got that right." giggled Ross.

Both girls took the stairs up, onto the roof, and proceeded to help the boys. Finally, with everyone's teamwork, they were able to finish their assignment. But one question was left unanswered. The team advanced to a round table, and began a discussion.

"Okay, everyone, congratulations on a job well done! We're all very proud of each other," Hawkeye said with a smile, but with one swift movement, her expression became serious, "but there's something missing."

"What?" Ed fussed, "I earned the $30! What more do you want?"

"Well, Ed. There's something everyone, besides you and Roy, are confused about. How were you able to get the Colonel to help you? He's much too sarcastic and annoyed with _you_ to ever help you with something that you would have to do to _pay him_, so why'd he help?"

Everyone glanced at the Colonel and Ed, who happened to be sitting beside each other.

"Well…" started Roy.

/**flashback**

"Pfft, I don't understand why I always find myself wanting to go to the mall" Ed whined as he trudged to the interior of the Celestial Gates Mall. (**A/N**: Names are difficult. xD) 

As he walked down the various stores, barely breathing in the detail, he suddenly caught a glimpse of a navy Military uniform. Inside a bright, pink, and frilly toy store, a man by the name Colonel Roy Mustang was running around everywhere. In his hand he held baby blue and pink cotton candy, and in the other hand he held a toy train. His face almost gleamed, (but then again it _just could've_ been the light seemingly shining down on his face), and his mouth was curled out into the biggest smile imaginable. 

When Ed walked in and Roy was finally able to open his eyes, he stared in bewilderment.

"Really, Full Metal, it's not what it looks like."

"Oh, how many times have I heard _that_ line?"

"Alright, I can understand you're probably thinking of a thousand ways to torturing me."

"Hah, aim for a much higher number Colonel."

Roy wasn't planning on whimpering in front of Ed, so he tried his best to keep his composure.

"Let's make a deal, Ed. You keep all of this a secret, and I'll do anything you want."

"I don't know…"

"Either that or you get kicked off the force." 

Ed quickly lent out his hand for the Colonel to shake. He hesitated, but in the end it was finished.

/**End of Flashback**\\

The entire table roared as everyone went into fits of laughter, rolling on the ground with their arms flailing, a few clutching their stomachs, trying not to wet themselves. Surprisingly, the colonel also joined in (being the one with the loudest voice) and he roared and laughed like a confused chicken, his hand desperately holding the table to keep himself upright. That was, of course, until he snapped to attention, realizing his position. A slight 'boom!' was heard as his face exploded into a deep, red shade as he turning to Ed.

"Hold on a minute, Ed. Why did you tell them? Didn't you promise to keep it a secret!" He asked, embarrassed and hurt.

"Another thing for you, Roy. What's the story behind you getting into the toy store anyway?" Ed smirked, and the rest waited anticipatively.

End/That's the end guys! Please tell me what you think, I really need R&R, plus some concrit, since this is my first and I'm looking for ways to improve. Comment if you'd like to me to write the next part, even though I'll most likely be doing it regardless of comments, though they'd still be much appreciated. I know that this story was very, sorry, completely pointless.

-Pink Wrapper 


End file.
